I was speaking with a friend this week about how I just can’t write. I’m not talking about anything “good” or meaningful, I just can’t seem to get the pen to the page. It’s distressing but mostly bewildering. It’s always felt like half therapy, half refuge and now it feels like I’ve fallen into an abyss and I can’t climb out. So I’ll write about not being able to write.
It’s been an incredibly full six weeks. No shortage of things to get out of my head. I don’t know how it is for you, but certain worries and fears take up long-term residence in this head of mine if I don’t find some gentle release. Even my meditation practice has fallen away. Health has become a burgeoning issue for everyone around me. It goes hand in hand with age and we are all feeling the effects.
I have much to say about Mom’s procedure for a new heart valve (and her decline shortly after), but I still can’t find all the words. Dad is next, possibly staring down the very same procedure in the weeks ahead. And my own health feels very fluid as I change medication for my RA. Aging is not for sissies. You have to be in for a fight. The body can be amazing in how it heals, but if we think a pill or procedure alone will heal us, well, it doesn’t work that way. We have to be active participants in our own recovery. Healing is not passive.
But why can’t I write? Why does everything sound instructive or like a list? I bore even myself. I can write five paragraphs and not have a single good sentence. My friend asked if I’ve tried prompts. No, I really haven’t. Maybe my blogging friends can share a couple good ones? I’ll bank them for the many, many mornings that nothing comes. The mornings where typing or picking up a pen feel as unnatural as picking up a sword or a chainsaw.
My life lost it’s routine. My schedule is something I need to think about now. Maybe that tiny shift sent me off the rails. If you could help, I’d be grateful. Share a favorite writing prompt (or two). Help me back onto the tracks so I can let this locomotive roar ahead. Thanks in advance.
I’m so grateful to have this place ♡