I’m home now and fully settled back in after an amazing week. It is the most supportive and affirming environment I’ve ever been in and I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity it gave me to see myself in a different light. I am hanging onto that tightly as I step back into days past.
My life as a messenger.
It’s tricky, because I’m writing a book about the identity I am so eager to shed. Tapping back into that is both blessing and curse. I spent the morning revisiting a time just five years ago that would be the beginning of the end of my postal career. My life began to unravel and the urgency began to grow to get out. It took me right back and it was jarring.
Responsibility bumped up often against my desire to give my body the rest it desperately needed. To leave before 30 years would never be an option, although for more days that I can count, it was all I could think of. I could physically make it to that finish line but at what cost? I made my way cautiously forward through the fog. One step at a time.
And that is part of my story.
I am still looking for my tribe. This has been an ongoing theme for several years now and it runs parallel to my path out of the post office. The people there were the thread that held me together, but the truth of those connections is pretty clear: without the daily engagement, what would become of those fragile relationships ? After stepping away, what would be there to hang onto going forward ?
That is a part of my story too.
I’m doing it.
I’m writing it.
I’m hopeful for whatever new revelations might await me. And as always, I am softening to a new way of being in the world. It feels a little lonely sometimes but I remain loyal and true to the story.
Thanks for being here for this part of my journey.
I don’t know how I missed this post, but skimming through old emails, I found the link. This fills in some missing pieces in the story I am getting to know, and I would so love to some day read/hear the other missing pieces, how someone stays at the same job for 30 years when everything in them is screaming to get out. I know the feeling, but I changed jobs every 5-10 years, screaming as I went. I know how John Prine survived his mailman years. The rest of us muddle through somehow, and I’m glad you’re free, though of course the search continues. Your words and pictures are lovely. Waiting on the edge of my seat.
It was a long, strange trip … but it’s a love story in the end. I hope I can find a way to do this story justice. Thanks for all the encouragement !!
You got this. Sounds glib. But it’s true.
The above comment is me, not sure why it came out as anonymous!
I think I may find a way to dedicate an entire chapter to this. You are exactly right that those of us who step just below the surface of “the job” create sketches of those we connect with. I like to think I always took that knowing very seriously.
I’ve often wondered if the people who deliver my mail feel as if they know me through the items they place in my mailbox. Little character sketches along the route!
Pingback: November 2020 – An Embarrassment of Riches
I’m so glad you loved SAS and found it affirming and supportive. You will find your story and story structure, or more likely it will find you. And then it will become part of you. Patience. In the meantime, write like heaven, and then dive deeper when you’re ready. You write beautifully; keep pouring it out. “…a solid career spreading joy and light along with the daily mail. I love that so much!
Thanks so much. I think you’re absolutely right that I will find it (or it, me) when the time is right. And yes, write like heaven … every day !
I’m grateful for your messages of positivity, whether those messages come through your words or your photos or your art. Thank you.
Thanks Deb ❤ It always makes me so happy to see your name here. It means a lot that you continue to read and share your thoughts. Thank YOU !
Ahh, Bonnie! I love the first two photos so much, especially the second one. I’ve been staring at it since you posted it. Would you allow me to post it one day signed Bonnie Rae with the link to this post? (No pressure, just say no, thank you.) It is simply stunning. <3 I'm glad that you had an embracing time, that you're writing and that you're in search of your tribe. Aren't we all. (Writing not so much, except here. But I've got a concept.) All well to you.
I would love that, Manja ! Share away. I love your words “embracing time”. That is so lovely and, yes, it was pretty special. I have traction on a book and am trying to write a story a day so I have some material. I imagine you have a beautiful book inside you 😍
I did it just now. I hope you get the pingback!
I am left with so many questions after reading this…
What aspects of your Postal past inform your present and, going forward, your future? Are there scores to settle? Demons to excise? Forgotten friends to reclaim? Blessings that remain to be acknowledged from 30 years of a solid career spent spreading joy and light along with the daily mail? You WERE a messenger, delivering others messages. Now, I believe you are called to deliver your own message. Step into that Light…*
Much food for thought there. I will add this to the folder of wonderful feedback and questions that came to me in that circle. This is the perfect response to keep me digging for the nuggets that will ultimately frame this story. Oh, and all kinds of yes to stepping into that light *