In recovery you’ll often hear people describe their journey like this: “what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now”
Here, in quotes, is my version.
What it was like:
” I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish ” -Anne Lamott
“Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper.”
And what it’s like now:
“If you can’t fight and you can’t flee, flow …”
Yesterday, that green heron was like some kind of divine visitation. Oh, of course I’m making more of it than is there. It’s how we tell our stories. Truth is, that elusive bird flew in, stayed less than five minutes, and flew off again toward the river. It’s no bigger than a raven. It’s clumsy as it moves into flight but it carried a message and it stole my heart.
Sitting on that bench reminded me that we don’t have to chase everything. Really, we don’t have to chase anything. The Universe has this magnificent way of bringing what we need, right where we stand, if we just show up for our lives.
You can call it grace or survival, patience or persistance. I call it my recovery.
Today I get to celebrate 31 years of sobriety. 31 years of showing up. It hasn’t always been pretty, especially the “before” and “what happened” stories. But it has always been a path carved straight through the middle of my jigsaw life.
I still have “those days”. I catch myself believing what others think of me, good and bad. I’m not well served by either. Those are the days I’m grateful for the wisdom; the knowing when to flow …
I’m living my best life. Without Kelly, none of this is possible. There would be worry and struggle and guilt. Instead, I am free of stress and my wandering is met with joyful support. I’m lucky in a million ways. Mostly for family and friends who love me and carry me through the hard times.
Thank you for this.
These 31 years.
This very moment.
And now, with Yoda in tow, we are off to celebrate. What better place than where the water meets the sand. Flow … ❤
( Great day at Ocean Shores and Gray’s Harbor. Met these women enjoying a Girl’s Weekend. Pure happiness right there. Hope it was great ! )