Sober Saturday

In recovery you’ll often hear people describe their journey like this: “what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now”

Here, in quotes, is my version.

What it was like:

” I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish ” -Anne Lamott

What happened:

“Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper.”
-Anne Lamott

And what it’s like now:

“If you can’t fight and you can’t flee, flow …”
-Robert Eliot

Yesterday, that green heron was like some kind of divine visitation. Oh, of course I’m making more of it than is there. It’s how we tell our stories. Truth is, that elusive bird flew in, stayed less than five minutes, and flew off again toward the river. It’s no bigger than a raven. It’s clumsy as it moves into flight but it carried a message and it stole my heart.

Sitting on that bench reminded me that we don’t have to chase everything. Really, we don’t have to chase anything. The Universe has this magnificent way of bringing what we need, right where we stand, if we just show up for our lives.

You can call it grace or survival, patience or persistance. I call it my recovery.

Today I get to celebrate 31 years of sobriety. 31 years of showing up. It hasn’t always been pretty, especially the “before” and “what happened” stories. But it has always been a path carved straight through the middle of my jigsaw life.

I still have “those days”. I catch myself believing what others think of me, good and bad. I’m not well served by either. Those are the days I’m grateful for the wisdom; the knowing when to flow …

I’m living my best life. Without Kelly, none of this is possible. There would be worry and struggle and guilt. Instead, I am free of stress and my wandering is met with joyful support. I’m lucky in a million ways. Mostly for family and friends who love me and carry me through the hard times.

Thank you for this.

These 31 years.
This day.
This very moment.

And now, with Yoda in tow, we are off to celebrate. What better place than where the water meets the sand. Flow … ❤

Kelly and Yoda
Meet n Greet
Brown-headed Cowbird
Marsh Wren
Ocean Shores
Osprey Gray’s Harbor
Horse Heads Ocean Shores
Horse Butts
Reflective Day
Bennett’s Fish Shack
Cheers to good friends and Girl’s Weekend

( Great day at Ocean Shores and Gray’s Harbor. Met these women enjoying a Girl’s Weekend. Pure happiness right there. Hope it was great ! )

14 Comments on “Sober Saturday

  1. So glad to have crossed paths with you. This blessing by one of my favorite philosophers and poets, John O’Donohue, came to mind to share with you:

    I place on the altar of dawn:
    The quiet loyalty of breath,
    The tent of thought where I shelter,
    Waves of desire I am shore to
    And all beauty drawn to the eye.

    May my mind come alive today
    To the invisible geography
    That invites me to new frontiers,
    To break the dead shell of yesterdays,
    To risk being disturbed and changed.

    May I have the courage today
    To live the life that I would love,
    To postpone my dream no longer
    But do at last what I came here for
    And waste my heart on fear no more.

    Excerpt from ‘A Morning Offering’ found in “To Bless the Space Between Us”

    • I love this so much. My cup runneth over these days for sure. “The quiet loyalty of breath” … maybe my new favorite sentence. So glad you’re in my orbit 🙏

  2. Ahhh Bonnie! Such a gift to be in your life and see how you LIVE, recovery. To witness the ever unfolding, creative gifts you bring to the world. Much love to you 💜

    • Thank you so much. In the puzzle that has been my life, you have been one of the perfect pieces. Virginia Woolf wrote: Arrange whatever pieces come your way. That’s exactly how I see it.

  3. Every moment has brought you to this one. Hugs filled with love to you both.

  4. Today’s post really shows your genuine spirit. You have brought so much to the rest of the wold through your writing and photography. The reflection picture captured your inner peace of mind. The Horse Heads picture didn’t give me a clue about the next picture. Horse Butts made me laugh! Thanks for the daily gifts.

    • Thanks so much for reading and the kind words. It was a nice change of pace today. Cool ocean air is good for the soul too. I figure I’ll save the horse butt photo for Facebook comments when words seem inadequate … hahaha !

  5. Thirty-one years, a helluva long time to stick with anything. Congratulations! That GW photo is the best; and that you asked them if you could take is even better.

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