Last night I fumbled through the stacks of paperish things I had sitting out in my art room. I pulled them out of boxes and drawers last week. My friend Jen and I were doing a little inventory. Making a plan.
That was Wednesday.
Thursday she was gone.
I was touching each thing last night like it might hold an answer. But there are no answers. A friend recently shared a poem in her writing. The line ” he who plants kindness, gathers love” stood out. I don’t always believe that (although I desperately want to). Sometimes the harvest doesn’t come. Sometimes people slip away, even die, in spite of all of our best efforts. But we still have to do the planting, with hope in our hearts. Not everything will grow, but so much will. And sometimes it will surprise us.
(A good friend of Jen reached out and will be joining me at Hero House for some holiday card-making this coming week. I am beyond grateful.)
November brought a deep chill. It also reset my schedule in such a way as I’m feeling behind on my “to do” list. So much I want to do, so little time. I have promised myself that if I can stay focused and make a dent today that tomorrow will be an adventure day. I need the kind of reboot that can only be found in the solitude of the woods.
It’s December now. Ordinarily I would welcome the hustle and bustle of the season. But nothing feels ordinary. I’m not ashamed to admit that this has been a really overwhelming month for me.
This morning as I sit here with my second cup of coffee and my overly affectionate cat I am finding the gratitude. Thankful for the bright lights around me and acutely aware of the invisible threads that hold me together.
For those of you that have reached out, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have no words for what it means to me that you see me. Really SEE ME.
As I get older I embrace a new sense of value. I’d rather have a few quarters than a handful of nickels…