Finding My Tribe and Other impossible Things

Posted on June 3, 2018 by Bonnie Rae

When I woke up late (for me) this morning, I realized I missed a gorgeous sunrise. I kick myself when that happens because life is too short to miss those really important things. Instead, Kelly and I opted for breakfast and a walk with Yoda at the park. A different really important thing.

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On our way back to the car I saw this. A stray little wisp of fiber that had settled in the landscape at the park. It was clinging to that dry grass and it gave me a prompt for the day. I’m not sure what to call it, that prompt, but I was headed to Port Gamble so I knew I had a drive ahead of me. I’d figure it out.

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Driving across the Narrows Bridge, the cables divide the sky into columns of sky and clouds. Perfect slices. Highway 3 is lined with Scotch Broom and Foxglove. The contrast was beautiful against a sky that was grey and full of clouds. Checking my weather app I saw no rain in the forecast for a few hours so I stopped at a few new parks along my way.

This was at Kitsap Memorial State Park. I have been getting my money’s worth from my Discover Pass the past few months. It ranks right up there with my America the Beautiful Pass in that they are both worth every penny.

Then I stopped by Salisbury Point County Park. This is a little gem of a park near Hood Canal Bridge. If you know me, you know I’m always looking for the perfect swing. I found a good one today.

I drove the last couple miles into Port Gamble to pick up some “dye water” from an indie dyer/fiber artist friend, Heidi. I want to experiment a little with her residual color dye to do some tinting on different papers.

Port Gamble is such a lovely place. I happened upon it by accident last December and I love to make the drive for a visit. Heidi, at the Artful Ewe has been a bonus. Check out her shop here. It’s worth a trip. She is an amazing artist and her eye for color is remarkable.

I spent several hours on the road today. Seeing that piece of fiber clinging to that dried grass got me thinking. That damn fiber.

I thought about my “tribe”. Do I have one ? Are there people who know what keeps me awake at night ? Are there people who ask ? People who care ?

Working in public spaces can be a very liberating thing. At work I always feel like I am a part of my greater community. I have a sense of belonging. Not a deep sense, but it’s something. It is a means of staying connected and that is such a good, good thing.

But what about my “tribe” ?

Where are my people ?

Away from work and left to my own devices, I am awkward. I feel self-conscious and often find myself longing for inclusion in places that make me feel worse, not better, about myself. I don’t feel like I fit anywhere. It was what I thought about today as I drove.

As I go deeper into myself I feel a little more out of touch with the life happening around me. I feel oddly out of place. Maybe it’s okay to feel adrift. Maybe my real work is to be with my discomfort without trying to change it. Altered discomfort is still discomfort.

Here’s to being with what is.