Sunday

It’s around 2 tenths of a mile from when I step off my porch  until I have a clear view of Mt Rainier. Oh, its not always visible. Clouds obscure the view often in these winter months, but it’s there. And I know it is. Even if billowing clouds fill that gap, I know she’s curled up under that puffy blanket waiting for clearer skies. That would have been my first choice today. But, well … snow. Lots of it. Too much to navigate.

Instead I hiked with the guys to Kamikaze Falls. It was a beautiful, rainy mess and I needed it. Bad. This is the season of moss and ferns, leaves and needles. Everything is changing. The forest floor is covered with lovely decay. It really IS beautiful if you look close. The Falls were explosive for this time of year. I’ve seen the same falls wilder and also nearly a trickle. Change is happening here too.

By the time I got home late this morning my body felt the decay too. The joints in my feet have been hurting. This morning they were on fire. By early afternoon most of my body was involved. Back to the drawing board. Back to the Rubik’s cube of medication. I hit the tub, but I’m afraid climbing the stairs won’t be easy tonight.

I dozed off a couple times this afternoon. The first time I woke to the vision of bear claw prints in snow. The snow was a blue that was illuminated from within. The paw print was clear. The image blurred as I began to be more fully awake. Later, I woke with the very distinct feeling that I held something tightly in my hand. As I came out of the daziness of dream I realized my hand was completely empty. My body is changing with this new season too. I think it is telling me something but the signs are so distorted and unclear.

For now I’m lingering downstairs dreading the flight of stairs. It shouldn’t feel like this after such a lovely morning. And the thought of a heavy work day tomorrow, well … heavy sigh.