I finally have an answer for what has been brutalizing me. RA. I had been tested for it years ago but they said, nope, you don’t have it. I wish someone would have listened way back then. I knew something was terribly wrong. That kind of systemic engagement had to mean something.
So, what now ? Prednisone, at the moment. I hate this crap. But I can feel the body begin to relax and I don’t have the pain of even a week ago. I’ll lobby to get off of it as soon as possible. I’ll see the doc again Friday to discuss what’s next for medication. Being free of the pain will help improve my attitude I hope.
I’m still a restless mess otherwise. I am longing for a different life. Even if I can physically handle the job … mentally, emotionally and spiritually I’m not sure that I can.