The Body Issue

I turned 55 in November. Change has settled in to me this past year in surprising ways. Again. Since 40 the changes have been pretty much non-stop. First my eyes went all wonky, then the joints began to fail at an even more rapid pace. Last summer I bloated out and weighed in at a hefty 147 pounds. This morning I dipped below 125. I shouldn’t complain I suppose. People would kill to be able lose that much weight in such a short amount of time. For me, it feels unhealthy.

Again, I am getting no sympathy for that. My muscle tone has dissppeared over this past year at an alarming rate. I don’t feel like I am losing weight so much as I feel like I am wasting away. Muscles, strength, energy. All dwindling. My breasts are flattening like pancakes. The toned muscles that used to define me are flabby and sagging. This is such an odd feeling. And one that no one, even my doctor, wants to hear about.