Today the new year begins in earnest. I have survived “re-entry” at work, chosen some goals and a few new daily practices for the new year and I am off ! Today I’m heading downtown for a haircut. Today I choose short hair. I dont care that other people like it long. I dont care that other people think I should look more feminine. Guess what ? I don’t care. They don’t get a vote. They can have a thought or a comment but that’s where it ends. Short please, Maria. No, I don’t want to try anything new. The new part will be getting what I want.
I also just bought a new rain jacket. A BRIGHT NEON GREEN rain jacket. It’s new for me to wear color but I feel like I need to end this funeral-like existence, this goth-ish tone. Today, even if just today, I’ll be seen in the world.
I chose a card for the year. I choose Ace of Water. It is all about realizing (recognizing) my heart’s desire. That’s going to be my focus for the year. I have to make a very deliberate shift in that direction. I’m afraid if I leave things to my own devilish devices I will continue to choose the ones that hurt me.
I’ll keep drawing cards. I’ll keep journalling. I’ll keep reaching out to people and be looking for those who reach back. I am worth someone’s time and effort. Today, I begin the tedious process of making myself worthy of my own time and effort.
A train ride and a haircut to begin MY new year.
Eight of Air was my card today. I need to look for and connect with my tribe *
****Now downtown. Listening to music I would never choose and enjoying it. It’s a gorgeous day. Clear blue skies, cold as hell and people are bound up in their scarves and heavy coats. I like it. Sitting in my favorite coffee shop and still pondering things.